How To Reduce the Physical Pain of Grief
Posted: Friday, July 02, 2010
by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D.
http://extraordinarygriefexperiences.com
Often we grieve as we care for a loved one just as we grieve after a loved one has died. This anticipatory grief occurs as we witness the changes in the beloved and his or her inability to carry out usual roles and normal activities. Although anticipatory grief is commonly held within, it carries with it the same physical and emotional components of all grief. In short, it stresses every cell in the body. Everything is connected.
Recently, a US general, testifying before a senate committee, slumped over at the table where he was sitting. The diagnosis: dehydration. He displayed one of the extreme dehydration signs, dizziness. However, lack of water also plays a major role in developing headaches, stomachaches, confusion, and sluggishness, as well as having old injuries flare up, joint weakness, and falling. Grieving exacerbates existing dehydration due to the intensity of grief work and the pressure of dealing with the unknown.
As simplistic as it may sound, daily water consumption is an absolute essential part of self-care, and more importantly is a critical coping technique when mourning the death of a loved one. Grief work is highly stressful demanding great energy and endurance. The need for water in the body-not soda, alcohol or caffeinated beverages-which take water out of the cells, is critical. Water, natural spring water if possible, will help immensely in reducing the physical pain of grief and in supporting joint functioning and brain maintenance. If your tap water is chlorinated consider purchasing a water filter.
Here is what you should know about daily water consumption and dehydration as you grieve.
1. Plan a schedule to drink water when you are not thirsty. If you say to yourself "I'm thirsty," you're way late, because you are already dehydrated and your body is paying a heavy price. This means you need to drink water at specific times before you get to the "I'm thirsty" stage. This is especially true as you age, when thirst awareness is much slower to come into conscious thought.
2. How much should you drink? In general, actual consumption depends on body size as some need more than others. However, diet, exercise levels, stress, climate, sweating, and other factors, make a goal of (don't let this figure scare you) 40-ounces per day essential. All you need to do is drink five 8-ounce glasses. Whoa, you say. That may seem way out of reach for you but hold on. See for yourself how small 8-ounces is by taking a liquid measuring cup and filling it to the 8-ounce mark. Then pour the water into a glass and see how small it actually is. It's like taking 8 swallows when you were on the playground as a child.
3. Try this schedule for your water intake. About 15 minutes before each meal drink 8-ounces. This means the first thing in the morning drink water, with a little lemon if needed, before anything else. Your kidneys will love you for it. About an hour after your meal, drink another 8 ounces. Yes, I know with three meals that adds up to six glasses and a total of 48-ounces. So if you wish, skip the one after your supper or before it. On the other hand, six glasses is ideal because 40-ounces is minimal, as most physiologists will tell you. You know you're drinking enough if your urine is clear or lightly colored, not dark.
4. If you have not been eating or eating junk food, electrolyte levels may become abnormal and you may have to add some electrolytes, the absence of which adds to confused thinking and blood pressure problems. Electrolytes in the blood are substances like sodium, potassium, chloride, calcium and magnesium which in solution become electrically conducting ions. Our cells cannot function without this electrical transmission. Electrolytes are not found in drinking water. You need to get those minerals in your system in another way.
However, you don't necessarily need to drink Gatorade or other sports drinks to meet this need, like many athletes do. Food is the best source. If you eat some veggies (especially broccoli, kale, or green beans), fruits, and nuts it will fill the bill. Of course, this is not easy to do when grieving. That's why it's so important to eat just a little bit, like a small salad, even at a time when you don't feel like it.
In summary, consider looking into scheduling your water intake as one of your new routines. Make a note or put a picture of a glass of water on your bulletin board as a reminder; it's so easy to forget. If you are not in the habit of drinking water before getting the "I'm thirsty" sign, begin immediately to schedule consumption times. As many do, carry water with you when you leave your home to shop or run errands. Use stainless steel thermos bottles, not plastic bottles. T he Bisphenol-A in plastic bottles is toxic and was recently banned in baby bottles in Canada .
One of the tasks of mourning is to develop new routines to adapt to the absence of our loved one. The water routine will not only reduce the physical pain associated with grief, it will become the basis for increasing the energy and stamina needed to deal with the transition you face in managing emotions associated with your great loss. And, once habitually established as part of your new-normal, you can use it for the rest of your life. ___________________________________________________________________________
Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice and Palliative Care of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His monthly ezine-free website is www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com .
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)You have an interesting perspective on grief. As for water, I know it makes a huge difference to how I feel in general if I drink a lot of it.
Love this. How shocking and compelling. I am completely intrigued. It all makes so much sense, and of course have heard of the importance of hydration. Love this, and will continue to read you.
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